Winding Down, and Gearing Up

 The  2012 Yule/Xmas holidays are coming to a close. The older I get, the more anticlimactic the whole thing is to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy giving and receiving presents, and visiting with friends, but the holiday doesn't hold the excitement it used to. Maybe in years future when there might be grandkiddlies.

 Things will be a bit different in the bakery in the upcoming year. I just am not in a good location for walk-in traffic, Americans are too conditioned to going to a big glass and steel waste of resources to get their baked goods, I think the house thing is scaring them off, so I will be closing the 'storefront'. Another issue I ran into regularly was people placing orders, and then never picking them up. Oh, they always have a good reason why they didn't make it, but what they fail to realize is that when they don't pick up their order, they have wasted not only my time, but the ingredients that went into making said items. Usually they don't go to waste, either we eat them or give them away, but it is still a HUGE pain and very inconsiderate for people to do that. So, I will be using Etsy or another online medium from now on, where the customer has to order and place a non-refundable deposit before the order will be prepared.

 Something else I will be working on is more things for my Etsy shop. As I age, and become less mobile due to the massive amount of structural damage I have suffered over the decades, I know my time in the bakery will be limited, and I will need something else to occupy my time, and bring in a little moolah. I have tubs and tubs of stuff I have saved for many years to use in art/craft projects, time to get those cleaned out.

 S has been thinking about returning to school and getting his bachelor's. Turns out, an associate in networking is pretty much worthless, and no one will even consider hiring him with just a 2 yr degree and no experience. And since his job pays full tuition and books, might as well take advantage of it.

 I will be giving up texting on my cellphone this coming year, ATT no longer offers free texting with the employee package, and since someone I used to associate with kept texted me even AFTER I told them repeatedly that I had limited texting, I had S add the text package. Turns out I can't get the free texting back now as it was grandfathered in, so I will no longer have a texting package on my phone, only a pay-per-text option, as I no longer need unlimited texting. I am really pissed about this, I fucking HATE people who do not understand boundaries, things like NO and STOP, and have no respect for others.

 2012 was an ok year, I'm hoping that 2013 will be a good/great one. Only time will tell!

Power and those who take it from others.

 A friend wrote on her blog about reclaiming her personal power. After reading it, I decided that this was a good subject for me as well, as many people feel powerless around the holidays.

 I too was powerless for much of my life. My mother's power taking usually went along the lines of personal attacks against my appearance. I wasn't the wispy blond she wanted. (I come from peasant stock, no way I would ever be 'wispy') so she spent my adolescence and early adulthood saying things like "You'd be so pretty is you weren't fat", and my all time favorite "How do you get such good looking boyfriends, you're so fat and not pretty!" When I was an adult, she tried things like "You went outside wearing THAT??" This from a huge titted half Italian who wore stretch pants and a tube top in her 60's, making her breasts  look like two watermelons in a hammock. 

 My father's was either physical threats, or things like "I'm so disappointed you didn't go to teaching/nursing school, you'll never amount to anything." He was a beater, and would do things like jerk us out of the chair by the hair and throw us to the floor at the dinner table if we talked or laughed. He was a hugely strong man and loved slapping, that was one of his favorite responses to the questioning of anything he said.

 Of course I married too young, and the ex is an abuser. His favorite was "If you do/don't do this, I'll divorce you!" I was partially disabled at this point, and knew I couldn't support myself, so I always gave in.

 I moved away from small town Texas to the big city, liberal Austin, and I began to get better. And then, after going to the very first Festival of the Goddess and meeting many abused women who had broken out of their own bad situations, I began to reclaim my power. Interestingly enough, when I stopped letting others take my power, and started saying 'NO' to them, I was suddenly a huge bitch, and the power thieves tried a new tactic, "Oh, you are SUCH a bitch, no one likes you!" As time went on, and I began to question others, I found that these were total lies spread by the power thieves to make it easier to regain control of my power. They needed to keep me off balance and cut off from any support that might be helping me get better.

 The beginning break came from a wonderful psychologist, Dr. Sunny Lansdale. She was the one who showed me that this was abuse, and helped me to break out of the patterns of abuse I had been locked in for so long. I started going to her because my ex had told me that if I didn't agree to a polyamourous lifestyle, he would leave me. (His usual threat.) So of course I agreed. Since I'm bi, he immediately started approaching women. The entire thing backfired, because the other women would be with us, then they would tell him they weren't interested in him, just me. (Things that make you go hhhmmm....) Because of this and other things, the ex insisted I go to a shrink, because I was 'so fucked up' I couldn't be in a group relationship. When he insisted I tell him what went on in session, and I finally did, and all of a sudden, this doc was a quack, and if I didn't quit seeing her, he'd divorce me. I was able to break from the ex after much pain and suffering, and the support of a friend who later became my loving husband.

 Now when I feel someone is a psychic vampire, and trying to take my power and energy, I cut them off. No talking about it, no trying to work through it, just cut off. Gone. These people can not be talked to or reasoned with. So this makes me come off as a cold hearted bitch. I do not give them the satisfaction of a huge dramatic blowup, that's what they want. I just become quietly unavailable, not returning calls or texts/emails, too busy to 'get together'. Having a huge dust up will only give them more of my power, and make me feel bad.

 I no longer need these fucked up people in my life. All too often, when I meet someone new, after I get to know them, I realize they are huge power vampires. Some do it on purpose, some do it to fill their own need for power they have lost to others. Whatever their reasons, I cut them off, because being involved with someone like that is too much effort. I can maintain my distance for a while, and not get sucked into their personal drama, but like swimming against the current, I will finally become exhausted with the effort, and dump them. And they seldom seem to notice until it is way too late. Learning to staying emotionally detached has saved my own sanity more times than I can count. I have few 'real' friends, but those that I do have are truly my friends, and we help each other out without thinking about it. Power thieves only help others because it gives them power over the other person. "I helped you, you OWE me!"

 Being an Aspie, I have problems expressing emotions in a way 'neuro-typicals' can understand. I often get accused of being cold and unemotional. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I allow my emotions to get out of hand, bad things happen, like the situation with the husband's ex girlfriend. I didn't really mean to write those horrible things about how she looked, but I was overwrought and in pain, and lashed out to hurt her as much as she had hurt me. She did totally deserve it, but the cost to my own well being was immense, and it has taken me a long time to  recover from it. So if it means that I look like a total bitch by no longer allowing these people to take my power, so be it. I have wasted too much of my life powerless, and I am in control now. I might lose it for a brief time, but I WILL regain it, and go on with my life.
 

My thoughts on the aftermath

 The shooting in Conn. was horrible. No denying that. But that is not what I want to expound on here today.
 
 The anti-gun people are burning up the Internet with their screams of gun control. Speaking as someone with SEVEN law enforcement officers in the family, I am against gun control. Criminals will have NO issues getting guns in a gun controlled society. Allowing the government to take away one of the civil liberties set in our CONSTITUTION is not going to solve anything, only create worse issues. Banning something does not mean it will be out of reach, that worked SO well for drugs, didn't it?
 
 The FIRST thing a Socialist or Communist government does is take away an individual's ability to protect themselves. They claim that the government is there to protect you. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask the relatives of people in Tibet just how well the 'government' takes care of them. (Communist China, for those of you who failed history.)

I have made it a point to not comment on anti-gun posts on FB. I have also made it a point to NOT post anything about the shooting. Let the family members of the slain mourn in peace, without having the pictures splashed on every damn FB post, newspaper, t.v. station and everywhere else you turn.

 I will NEVER agree that gun control is a good idea. So don't bother posting statisics (Lies, damn lies and statisics), or your own opinion on the matter. Any comments will be deleted. I am not interested in hearing your point of view, I most likely already know what it is. To quote the great late Richard Pryor, "You done landed on Mr. Gilmore's property now!" You will not change my mind, any more than I will change yours.

 That is all.

Ah, the holidaze....

 Here we are at yet another holiday season. My son is 16 now, and being a gamer geek, really doesn't want much except a new graphics card so he'll get better framerate on WoW. The husband isn't much better, they are both pretty low maintenance.
 Sometimes I miss the holiday gatherings my family had when I was a  child. I had no idea then that most of my family hated each other, and as my oldest sister likes to say "When our family gets together, there's gonna be a cuttin' or a shootin'." I remember one year waking up in the wee hours to find my brother home from the Navy, making coffee in the kitchen before anyone else was up. Another year, my new brother-in-law and I bought each other inflatable lightsabers, and had a fight in the front yard after dinner.
 When I was a teen, I had friends who were a second family to me, and I spent the most wonderful Xmas Eves at their house, eating things like venison roast and tabouli. We would start at 9ish, open presents, and eat into the late hours, simply talking and enjoying each other's company.
 I moved to Austin, and since traveling is pretty much torture to me, didn't go back 'home' for the holidays except for a couple of times. My family came to Austin a couple of time as well, and it was usually an ok time, but there was always that undercurrent of strain, that everyone was trying too hard to make it a good time.
 When my son was born, the first Xmases were fun, buying toys and things. The older he got, the less he wanted much more than computer stuff, so the fun kinda went out of shopping. My parents are gone for several years now, my brother deceased since '91. My sisters have their own family gatherings now with their families. My husband and i spend a quiet holiday these days, little to no stress, and really not much different from a regular weekend. Sometimes I do want the big group holiday, but then I remember the hassle, the fighting that resulted in people not speaking for half the year, and I think I would rather stick with my small quiet holidays!

Exercise, BLAH!!

So, after a week of laying out, I'm back to the exercise. Yoga today. I have been doing yoga on and off since I was 14, when my brother came back from California in '78 with all these 'wild hippy ideas', as our father called them.

 Back in 2000, there was a show on t.v. called Inhale with Steve Ross. My ex referred to it as 'nazi yoga'. Definitely not for beginners. A great workout tho, doing an hour of that daily plus 2 hours of walking (Had to work up to that) plus extreme stress of a toddler and an emotionally abusive cheating spouse was how I lost 120 pounds. Not something I want to do again. The cheating spouse stress, not the weight loss.

 So as I'm closing in on 50, I have realized that because of the massive injuries I have sustained over the decades from the stupid things like motorcycles, rock climbing, etc., I will have to exercise at least 5 days a week. I'm not giving up food, that's a bad idea, and leads to binge eating. Cutting portions and regular exercise works for me. My sister, on the other hand, can exercise 4 hours a day and eat 500 calories, and still not lose more than a pound or two and that's it. I keep telling her to go get a thyroid test.

 So today was yoga for the first time in a while. (Not telling how long!) I'm already feeling the effects from just 15 minutes. This week will be yoga all week. Steve Ross never did put out the dvd he promised us years ago, instead he decided to go with a line of Maha Yoga apparel. Bah. But I did find many Inhale clips on YouTube, so I will be working my way back to the torture yoga soon enough!

 There is a lovely woman here in Austin named Abby Lentz who does Heavyweight Yoga for the large person. I looked into her dvd, but from the reviews, it is way too slow and basic for me. I might try one of her more advanced classes is I ever get a few $$ to blow. The first class is free, so i will definitely take time out to go and check her out.

 Some of my weight is due to lifestyle/eating habits. I love me some bacon cheeseburgers, pizza, donuts, all those things that are not good for you. Being a chef, I don't eat much in the way of processed foods, and less so as more and more research on long term chemical ingestion the the toxic waste they put in processed foods comes to light. Some of my weight is due to genetics. My mother was half Italian and half German. I have a few pictures and an old tintype of my German grandmother, who died when my mother was 14, and she was a square hefty woman, even as a young girl. I don't mind being square, in fact my shape and size gives me an advantage in many situations, but I'm about tired of the gut that showed up when i regained 70 of the 120 pounds. It is sloooowly going away, and I know I will have to treat this like a lifelong condition/disease, there will be no quick fix, it will be something I will have to manage on a daily basis. So to the yoga mat!

Quiet Sunday Morning Musings

We live where two of the major freeways that run through Austin, 183 and MoPac, cross each other. We are right under the X. There is constant traffic noise, like a dull hissing roar, in the background constantly. Early Sunday mornings are the only time that it is quasi quiet. I like to sit out on the patio and just chill on Sunday mornings.

 That all came to a halt a couple of months ago. The old couple next door passed away, leaving their grown son in possession of the house. He wasn't able to keep up with it, so his older brother and the brother's friend moved in. With 3 LOUD yapping swiffers, otherwise known as Pomeranians.

 We had started building the new hot tub area out back close to their side of the yard before they moved in. I'm wondering if we might not ought to move it elsewhere, there will be no way that we will be able to enjoy a quiet soak with the constant yapyapyapyap coming from the next yard. Unfortunately, that side is where the only outdoor electric outlet is, out in the middle of the yard, where our swimming pool used to be. We have already put up a new stretch of privacy fence around the tub/outdoor area, but that will not stop the constant dog harassment noise.  I try to maintain a cordial relationship with the neighbors, it is hell living with assholes next door, as I know all too well from experience. I have tried explaining to the guys that we do not have CHCA, and keep our windows open most of the year. They let the dogs out at 5 a.m., and the dogs run to our fence and bark. Sometimes for 15 solid minutes. I have explained that my husband works nights, that this is not cool. They agreed, and the dogs now get let out at 5:15. To bark for loooong minutes, shrill constant yaps.

 I love living in a city. There is any and everything one might need, or want to do here. I also love the anonymity of living in the city. I grew up in a small town, and hated being constantly watched, with every word and action duly reported to my parents, even long after I had become an adult. But the downside to living in the city is the neighbors being all around, and right up on you. We do have a nice size lot and a large (for a city property) back yard. But what good is a nice yard if you can't use it because of constant harassment? From what the neighbor guys have told me, they get a new swiffer every time one dies. So no hope that the dogs will die off and the next ones be more quiet.

 I don't want to make enemies of these guys, as they will all be living here until they die, since they are all non-dating gay men. The oldest brother is planning on moving back in fairly soon (also gay, this family had 4 boys, 3 of which turned out gay.). I guess I should be thankful that it is a house full of gay men, if it was a family with a bunch of kids, I think I would have to move. I can not stand the shrill voices of children. I like children just fine, but I have raised mine, and helped raise many of the nieces and nephews, and am done with dealing with little children on a daily basis.

 My oldest sister came a few months back to tour Sun City in Georgetown, and I went with her. While I love the idea of an adult-only community, I did not like the cookie cutter houses, and the way restrictive community rules. I'm thinking that maybe the motorhome community have the right idea, live in a mobile house, and then if you don't like the neighbors, simply drive to somewhere else. The downside is that then I wouldn't have a hot tub. Ah well, there's always a trade off. We'll see how things are after W finishes college and gets a job, we might just give him this house and move elsewhere. That's a few years down the road however, so in the meantime, we'll have to keep the waterhose close at hand.

And now the rush to the holidays begin!

 Turkey Day is over, and now starts the frenzied rush to the midwinter holiday, whether you call it Christmas, Yule, Kwanzaa, or whatever. Hectic times trying to get in and out of a retail store without wanting to bash someone with a heavy object.
 We are severly limited on funds this year, as S's car repair bill last month came out to over $1200. So we will be getting W a new graphics card, so he can quit bitching about his framerate on WoW, a few stocking stuffers, and that's about it. I am making a few things, W finally agreed to throw away the "Aunt P blanket", which was a double sided cotton throw she made him to replace the original one that deteriorated years ago.

 

 

I tore the material into strips, and am in the process of crocheting it into a new blanket. I'll be making a few other things for family and friends this year as well.

 

 We don't travel much at any time, and the holidays are one time in which I don't like to even leave my house. I am always happy to have people come here, but the days of large family gatherings are long over. My parents are dead, as is my brother, and my sisters have their own traditions. The rest of the family is estranged, and we never see them. Xmas tends to be fairly low key here, lots of lounging, food and gaming, and some t.v. viewing thrown in. We will have W for the first part of the holiday, he goes to the ex's on the 26th this year. Some years we get to keep him a few extra days, since that is the ex's anniversary, but since his step-daughter came home from rehab pregnant, unemployed and now on disability, I doubt they will have the $$. The ex always wanted seriously broken people that he could 'fix', guess he's happy now.

 

 I was hoping business would pick up a bit, but I am having a hard time getting people into the shop. Advertising has to be low key, or we could be shut down by the city if they actually notice us. At least I'm not having to worry about paying overhead. Time to send the boys out again with flyers and samples. I'll be getting the Concrete Dragon Facebook page up and running soon, and things are starting to get made to put in the shop. I should be able to start up my 't.v. dinners' again soon, they are pretty popular.

 

 The indoor garden is started finally, it took me forever to get the lights up this year. Some of the red okra seeds I harvested this past summer are sprouting, and I'm hoping to have tomatoes soon. I have been neglectful about growing food, as my physical condition has been keeping me from traditional gardening. This year we will be changing over to large pots, with the yard space turning into hopefully a grove of small fruit trees, and maybe some blackberries if I can get the things to grow for me here. With W rapidly approaching 18, I'm going to have to figure out a way to replace the measly child support, altho the shop/bakery is making about half of it already. The other option is to cut expenses, and if W decide s to move into the garage apartment full time, he'll have to pay his own bills and food at least. I wish I could afford to support him while he gotes to college, but it is what it is. Both his father and I worked through school, he will have to be able to as well.

 

 

 

Thanksgiving, but for whom?

 It is time again for the Great American Gluttony, known as Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving in this country is supposed to represent the thanks of the white settlers escaping religious persecution in Europe. Thanks, Europe, for sending your whackjobs over here.

 You see, this continent wasn't uninhabited, there were people here already, and they weren't white Xtians. They were the People, or as the whites called them, the Red Savages, due to the color of our skin. (Yes, we really are red.) My People were not savages. We had a complex and involved society already, with agriculture, education and land management, and our own religion. When the whites were starving and freezing in their crappy little wooden boxes, we took pity on them and brought them into our homes, fed them the fruits of our labor, and in return they shit on us. And continue to do so even today.

 You see, we didn't invite you into our country, and we didn't need your Christ, your clothing, or your diseases. You refused to speak our language, tore our children from us and put them in white Xtian boarding schools where they were systematically beaten and starved until they submitted to the white 'teachings'. Some resisted, and were killed outright. Some kept their mouths shut, and were able to return to the People with most of their belief system intact. Many more were taken too young, and were brainwashed, infected with white man diseases, and then set back to the Tribe to spread the white-based filth around to the rest of the Tribe. The People were nothing more to the "white founders" (Thieves is more like it.) than animals to be exterminated.

 So as you stuff yourself with turkey, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie (All native to the Americas.) remember that for some people, this is not a holiday of gluttony and football, but a rememberance of the death of our People and our culture caused and perpetuated by foreign invaders.

So very tired

 I live in constant pain. Due to youthful stupidity, I have broken my body in some spectacular ways. After falling during an exercise walk 5 years ago, I damaged even more. And age is creeping up on me, and not helping at all.

 On a scale from 1-10, the daily pain runs anywhere from 5 to 10. Never less these days. Being in this much pain makes me a bit on the mean side. Sometimes more than a bit. I can either take drugs that cause me to gain weight and keep it on, or I can not take drugs, and be in excruciating pain. And let's not forget having kidney disease makes the docs unwilling to give me much of anything. Quite the catch 22.

 Some days I just want to lay in bed and cry. Today is one of those days. I can't concentrate on anything enough to be even the slightest bit productive. Today's pain is running a solid 9. Sleep is something I remember fondly. I don't sleep much when there is this much pain. I haven't had any 'spoons' in some time. Work this week is not going to be fun.

 Even things that others take for granted, like being able to go to the grocery store, is a major ordeal. Sometimes walking to the mailbox is too much. And it never, ever stops. Not even for one single moment.

 I am so very tired.....

Texas is NOT the South, no matter the color on the map!

Today's angry rant is against people who badmouth Texas, incorrectly calling it a 'southern' state. Yes, we are south of the rest of the country. Yes, these days it is heavily Repub, but so was every other state at some point or the other. Texas, however, is not like anywhere you have ever been, it is its own country in a lot of aspects.

 You claim Texas is 'all redneck'. Really? Seriously? Then you have NEVER been here. And there are 'rednecks' in YOUR state as well, I have met several in California, as well as other places. You obviously know NOTHING about our state's history, and that includes many of the people who were born here.

 Texas is the ONLY state that could be its own country. We have TWO deep water ports. We have some of the best medical facilities in the country, and many of the top specialists. We have enough space and agriculture to feed the entire country. There is enough oil and gas under Texas to run the ENTIRE COUNTRY for 50 + years. We have Silicon Hills, Dell, IBM, AMD and much of the computer gaming industry. Oh yea, let's not forget NASA. And colleges that are FULL of people from out of state. Hhhmmm, I wonder why, if this is such a backwards ignorant place.

 Texas is a rich and successful state, which is why the whining titty babies in other places are burning up the freeways to get here. Why else are all those out of state plates on the road? Oh, right, they can't be, because NO ONE wants to move to Texas. (Yea right.)

 The people in Texas are multicultural, and proud of it. We don't run and hide from problems, we face them head on, and deal with them. If we don't have something, chances are someone here will invent it.

 Are there places here I don't want to live? Of course, but then I wouldn't want to live in the equivalent in your state. So shut the fuck up, go back to your ignorant little life and stay the HELL out of MY state. We don't want nor need your skank ass here.

T-minus 12 hours

So tomorrow's voting day. All over the country, people are claiming that they are being suppressed and not allowed to vote. I'll be taking my fully charged phone, in case I need to take pics of any kind of shenanigans at the polling place.

 Texas has threatened to arrest any foreign observers trying to get into the polling places. I have to agree on this one, there is no reason whatsoever for ANY foreign countries to be invading our polling places. It is a secret ballot, and they have no business here anyway, any more than we have any business interfering with their country. Things would be alot better in the world if everyone would mind their own business. The USA needs to stop sending aid to other countries, until our economy is recovered, and ALL our people fed, clothed and housed.

 I am against welfare programs as they are now. I think anyone applying for welfare needs to be given a job. Don't like the jobs to choose from? Then tough shit, no government $$ for you. My parents worked at shit jobs, because they had to, to feed and house their family. I have been poor, but I have never taken one cent of food stamp or welfare money. I have been so poor that I walked 5-6 miles or more a day, picking up aluminum cans along the freeway to sell so I could buy food. I picked up pecans and sold them for 40 cents a pound, and paid for college. I have been a driver for a call girl, because it was the only job I could find at the time. Think I like spending mucho hours a week on my feet, to make a few dollars a day? Think again. And by the way, I'm considered disabled. See my disability check? Of course you don't, I don't get one. I could, but I do not consider myself to be in need of disability, because I can still get out and hustle if I need to. I take responsiblity for myself and my family, I don't let the government fo it for me.

 

The start of another week, kinda

 Ah Monday! The bane of the working 8-to-5 stiff everywhere. Here we are again.

 Actually, Monday is my Sunday. I work Tuesday-Saturday, so I get to mostly enjoy Monday as a day off. Like most people, my 'day off' consists of catching up on those little things around the house like laundry. Since W has a job now, I have had to take up the slack around the place. With his cat being confined to his apartment, I have no cat pee I have to clean up on a regular basis. W, however, has a buttload. N. M. P. He's the one who promised Judi he would take care of Simon until he died, not me.

 This was a good week at the bakery. I made the most $$ in one week than I have since I opened the storefront, and totally sold out on Saturday. Most of my customers are bread buyers, so I will be dialing back the sweets and offering more bread. With the holidays coming up, business should pick up steadily for the next several months. And with holidays come pie! Because of a personal chef client a couple of years ago begging for pot pies, and PROMISING he would buy a dozen every month or so (Which he didn't.) I have an entire case of small pie pans. So small pies for the holidays! Two servings, perfect for one or two people. Next week will be the beginning of "Pie Season".

 The weekend was good, much better than the last one. No exes to have to deal with, things worked out between S and I about the last one. No, this was NOT the first ex of his I have had to deal with, but it will be the last, or I will be single again. This time the ball is in S's court, it is up to him to decide if he wants to remain in this relationship or not. While I tried really hard not to be one of 'those women' who are suspicious of the exes, it turns out I need to be. So I will be from now on, since these bitches have NO fucking clue that they should be keeping away from other women's husbands.

 The house continues to evolve, being a living entity. If you haven't been here in a while, chances are things will look a bit, or even radically different. Turning W's old bedroom into a den has been great, we can watch t.v. without a constant steam of peope and animals parading in front of us. I don't like that it faces the street, but with the air conditioner out for the winter, I can open the side window now, so all's good.

 My weight is continuing to drop, cutting portions and daily exercise is doing the job. Saturday is my eat anything day, but after a week of small portions, I am quickly finding that "all you can eat" is a LOT smaller amount these days. I used to be able to knock out half (or more!) of a large pizza, now 3 slices are all I can manage without feeling like I'm going to hurl. After my sister developed Type 2 diabeties, I went and got a new blood sugar monitor. A week of testing showed me VERY firmly in the low normal range for blood sugar, and I want to keep it that way. My sister has been doing so good that the doc thinks she might be able to come off the meds soon, we're so very proud that she is doing so well. Our family averages in the 80's for lifespan, we'd all like to get there.

 Onward and upward!
 

Bread Day

 Saturday is traditionally Bread Day here at the bakery. The neighborhood wakes up to the smell of fresh bread, which brings them in to buy bread and what I have been told are the best scones in Austin. Squee!

 My love affair with bread didn't start till late, I was 20! Grandma was a pastry chef, not a baker, so my first things were lattice topped cherry pies (Thanks to my sister Pam for walking me through that one at 6!), cakes, cookies, that kind of stuff.

 I married way too young the first time, and the poverty was crushing. Xmas was around the corner, and we were totally broke, My ex made a passable bread, that he shaped into teddy bear loaves that we gave for presents. After helping him, I began to be interested in bread. It was cheap to make, and in those days, the only kind of bread you could be in the store was Wonderbread. Bleh.

 So off to the library, and to dig through the huge stash of cookbooks and recipes my mother gave me when I got married. In an ancient cookbook, the kind you sent off a SASE to a food company for, I found an easy bread recipe. The booklet was the Fluffo Cookbook, the many ways to use the man made grease that was Fluffo. The first batch was ok, kinda dry. I persevered, and soon was turning out mediocre but edible loaves of plain white bread on a weekly basis. As I got better, I began to experiment with other kinds, and eventually began tackling more difficult recipes like brioche and French bread.

 After moving to Austin, breadmaking really took off. I was able, thanks to Whole Paycheck, I mean Whole Foods (Which in those days was in an old house down on Lamar and 9th Street, I think.) to get all kinds of different flours in the bulk section. College opened up even more ideas, since anthro/ancient history were my majors, I because interested in the culture of food. And bread of some sort is in almost every single culture in the world. Bread is the staff of life, after all.

 Now I make pretty much every kind of bread. My favorite is heavy dense peasant bread, full of whole grains, nuts, seeds, whatever bits of flours are left over in the bags. It never comes out the same way twice, and the customers don't seem to mind. Sometimes I have a hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes, so I will opt to make some plain white bread, and sweet yeast rolls are a must for any holiday dinner. (Think Grandy's rolls, took me years to find a similar recipe.) While I understand that some people go gluten/grain free, I come from old European peasant stock, my people are adapted to eat grains, and bread is high on the list. And being fresh made, with only King Arthur flour, we can be sure that there are no nasty additives. Good stuff!

Freaks and Geeks and Life

 I admit it. I'm a geek. I have been all my life. My mother was a Trekkie, and I being all of 3 years old when the original came out, I watched it with her. My father then took things further when I was 8 by presenting me with a copy of Tarzan. That was all it took, from there I went on to other ERB books like the Barsoom books, and ended up reading pretty much everything ERB wrote by the time I was 12. I then branched out into many of the other classic sci-fi authors like Heinlein, Silverberg, etc.

 Then came a little game called Dungeons and Dragons. By this time I was firmly in the only geek group in our small town, and my mother, figuring it at least got us doing something besides sitting around reading all the time (Remember, bookworms were bad back then!) she bought me the very fist one sold in Wichita County. I took it home, called my peeps, and that was all she wrote. We LOVED it, jumped into the whole gaming culture without looking back. My brother had returned from 11 years in the Navy, and he and I because the town's top gamers.

 Then came the computer. My brother had been involved with computers on ship, and since he was an electronics specialist, it was only natural that he slid right into computers. Programming came to him as easily as breathing, and when I was 15, he started a little side business, Platinum Software, the very first computer gaming company in Texas, and I became his game tester. This was back in the days of the green text era of computers. Home PCs had not even been thought of at this point, and my brother ordered his first out of an HP catalog, and build it himself. I spent nearly every Saturday at his house, testing the latest round of his current project, a D&D based text game.

 When I started dating in high school, anyone I would be interested in had to be intelligent, well read in the sci-fi genre, and preferably a gamer. As these were in relatively short supply, I had to expand my field to include non-gamers. On to college, and I discovered the Society for Creative Anachronism. Gamers and cosplay (Altho we didn't call it that back then.) all together, I was in heaven! I dated in the SCA community exclusively, mostly fighters, who were amazed a woman knew about armor. A head injury at 19 killed my fighting career, so I turned to armoring. Then I met my first husband, a swishy-poke (fencer) turned heavy arms fighter. Not a geek, which probably should have tipped me off that things would not end well with him. They didn't, and I was back in the dating scene.

 Fast forward 15 years, and I'm back in the gaming community, this time in the big city of Austin. Then the Internet and home computers became affordable, and the geek world opened up. The very first person I met in a chat room was S, my husband.

 S is a geek. He, like me, is second generation geek. To all outward appearances, he looks to be a mild mannered nerd, the kind that got shoved into lockers in high school. But appearances can be deceiving, behind that polite mask he shows to the public, is the heart and soul of a warrior. He is very easy going, but once his anger is aroused, don't stand in his way, or you WILL regret it. And when his mate or child is attacked, as one woman found out this past week, he will deal with the problem, and you will not like the outcome.

 I have problems with S's ex girlfriends and other women he's met over the years creeping out of the woodwork. These women treated him like shit, used and abused him, and then went off with some asshole. Usually things went wrong with the asshole, like they always do, and then here the women come, wanting to cry on 'the nice guy's' should before they are off to the next asshole. These women think it is OK to be friends and flirt with him, even tho he (And many times they) are married. They think he's 'safe', because he was never a jerk to them. And for the most part, he let them. Well babies, I'm here to tell you that you all have NO fucking clue what is behind my husband's polite mask, and it is NOT the sweet innocent little geek you all treated like shit. You do not want to piss him off, because much like a tornado, when he finally does get angry, that's the end. One of his exs, as you know if you are a regular reader, found out the hard way when she became totally inappropriate, actually coming to Austin to try to meet up with him. That did not end well for her, to say the least. She did not realize until a couple of days ago that he is not the sweet little pushover she thought. Not at all. I'm sure she was totally surprised at the "fuck off and die" email she got from him, which SHOULD have been sent long ago.

 It is NEVER appropriate to remain friends with an ex when you marry. And it is certainly NEVER appropriate to try to meet an Internet ex in person once they are in a relationship, and ESPECIALLY when they are married. I have no issue with opposite-sex friends, as long as they are not an ex. I have no exes in my group of friends, because when I'm done with someone, I'm done. Which is the way it should be. Hanging on to an ex because you think you can get something from them, like these women try to do with S, is wrong on so many levels. He let them get away with it because he is polite, and they take that to mean they can take liberties with him. Uh, no.

 S and I have weathered this latest round of an ex, and we will survive. This will be the last, however. He has purged all exes from his life now, and they will remain so, in the past, where they belong. Let them go troll some other poor guy. Mine is happy with me and me with him, and we don't need anyone else fucking with our calm. As Michelle Rodriguez's character Letty in The Fast and The Furious put it so succinctly, "I smell skanks". And I can smell a skank from miles away. Just because we are geeks does not mean we will sit there and take shit. Don't mistake my cordialness for an invitation. It's not. It is simply Southern politeness.

Happy Halloween!

Had some Halloween fun tonight, went over to a friends place and hung out, watched Army of Darkness, and handed out candy. W was in his stormtrooper gear again.

 I didn't get too much in the way of kid pics, it was a solid stream, and we were busy handing out candy and talking to the kids.

 

MIB and a movie starlet

 

TMNT

 

 

The neighbors had a badass setup, fog machine, animated zombies, the works.

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

The one in the back was robotic, very cool.

 

Not sure what's with this werewolf, looks like he's bursting out of the ground.

 

There was a cool strobe face in the window that didn't show in the pic.

 

This looked much cooler in the dark.

Happy New Year's Eve!

So, I'm sure you are thinking "Wow, totally in the wrong month!"

 Nope, today is Halloween, by the the Julian calendar date, which coincides with our holiday, Samhain.

 Samhain is the Celtic Pagan holiday of the end of the year, the time when the veils between the world of the living and the dead are the thinnest. It is also the last celebration of the harvest before Winter closes in. As the Wheel of the Year turns, we are reminded of death, not in its finality, but the sleeping death, to return in the Spring. The day after Samhain was for the slaughter of the livestock that would be preserved to see the people through the winter.

 On Samhain Eve, we hold ritual, along with a prepared feast. A plate is filled and set at the table for our departed ancestors to come and share in the season's bounty, and we invite them to join us in celebration of a good harvest. And we dance, to show our defiance in the coming of the cold, and to honor our departed loved ones.

 This year, we have a special reason to celebrate. As of tomorrow, my underpreist and dear Brother will be finally changing his name from the name that his adopted family gave him, to his true Name. We are very excited, he is casting off the remains of his shackles of the people who tortured and abused him when he was young. Tonight we dance to celebrate the rise of the House of Rama!

 My dear Brother in the Goddess, I have seen you come a very long way from the scared boy you were, to grow into a man of Power. Words can not express how proud I am of you, that you have been able to follow this Path one slow tortured step at a time, but always forward, no matter the odds against you. You have been my true friend and Brother, and have been there with me through many adventures and heartbreaks, and have never wavered on your support. I hope this coming year brings you all the things you deserve. I love you Brother, never forget that. 

Yes...

I am angry. I am angry that some woman thinks she can do my husband dirty, and then try to be my friend. Not happening sister. No, I shouldn't have said those things, and I took them down. I was angry and hurt that someone would do this to a happily married couple, and cause all kinds of drama that caused issues with our marriage.

 You had NO business coming to Austin to meet my husband. I should have been more forceful about that. That is my fault for not telling you up front that I knew who you were, what you did, did not like you, would never like you, and will never be your friend. I was hoping S would handle it, but he didn't, and now there is a rift in our relationship, because on YOU. You have NO business being 'friends' with a married man whom you have a past romantic relationship. Your judgement is poor, to say the least. I find it hard to believe that you actually cared for S, if you had, YOU should have ended any contact with him when you were married, and certainly when he was. You are BOTH at fault here in that aspect.

 And now you are having your friends come and troll my blog. Real smooth. I suggest you stop it now, before you dig yourself into a hole that you can not get out of. Your 'friends' are only getting you deeper into trouble. Not a good idea to make threats to someone with seven law enforcement officers in the immediate family. Everything that your friends post is being recorded to be given to the police, should the need arise. I do not put up with this kind of bullshit attempts at bullying.  

Trust

 Trust is a very delicate thing. In someone who has been betrayed over and over, it is precious. When it is violated, it is nearly impossible to get back. It is bad enough when it is someone you don't really care about, but when it is someone you love, it is a dagger through the heart.

 

 There is no feeling in the world like that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you find out your trust has been abused. Especially when it is from someone who KNOWS what you have been through, and yet continues on the path they are following, despite being told repeatedly that this is damaging to the relationship.

There is no coming back from something like this.  There is only forward, and the hope that there is enough strength to save oneself. 

Austin ComicCon!

  I survived ComicCon 2012. I feel like I have been run over by several dozen virgin geeks in too-small Star Trek costumes. I forgot my staff, and didn't have a cane in the car, so I managed without it, and am paying the price today. Add on top the drama of S's ex gf being there, plus working up till time to leave for the con.

 We thought we had missed the STTNG cast, but S read the sign wrong, and they came back to the floor after their panel, which we did totally miss. While I have no $$ to get autographs/pics, I did get to at least see them all. Marina Sirtis looks amazing! She is still beautiful. Gates McFadden looked good, but being a natural redhead, she was almost transparent, she was so pale. Brent Spiner has aged the most, and Michael Dorn, who's bald as an egg these days. Sir Patrick looked like he was having an ok time, I had to wait for the sea of virgins to thin out before I could see him. LaVar Burton looked pretty much the same, with a bit it of gray, but don't we all. Wil Wheaton seems to have gotten over his assholiness about cons, and even tho he was sick according to his FB post, he loooked like he was enjoying himself once the meds kicked in. Jonathan Frakes has put on a few pounds, and his beard's gone all gray, but he is still a good looking somebody! I spent most of my time standing next to his booth, and he made eye contact and smiled at me with teeth and everything. Still SO cute! I would have liked to seen Colm Meany, and of course Denise Crosby was washed out of the cast after her Playboy spread. (Gene Roddenberry was a huge prude, even tho he was in a long term triad with Barret and Nichols.) I was in so much pain I did not get to go to any of the panels, and Walker would have expired if he had to sit through something like that. Hopefully next year he can find a little herd of friends to go with him.

 And speaking of friends, I ran into an old friend from many years ago. We had lost touch, and I'm glad we reconnected. We chatted for a few, and he asked me if I did gluten free when I told him I had a bakery. Looks like I might have to try it again, since several people have asked.

 W seemed to have a good time. He still gets easily overwhelmed by that many people, but he did really good. He got to see the 501st Stormtrooper legion, "Vader's Fist". He got pics with several of them, one guy actually approached him and talked to him, and asked to get a pic with him. He was also "recruited" by the Sith Shadow Council of Texas, a group that does charity events, their founder is on dialysis, so much of their fund raising goes to kidney research. W is thinking of joining, but we'll have to get a better costume. Luckily Mom here did 10 years in theater, most of it in the costume department, and I can sew, plus armoring and other stuff. We'll see if he really wants to or if it is just a Con thing.

 Today is rest and relax, and back to work tomorrow. With any luck, next year will be not nearly as stressful, and hopefully I'll be in better shape, or at least have an old person scooter to ride around on.

Back from the dead!

I was able to scrounge around and find enough stuff to put together my costume for Comic Con. I was also able to pick up a pair of Steampunk-inspired glasses at Costume World for $6. We're going Weird West, got a back story and everything. I'll post pics later this week, and hopefully bunches from CC!

Old Girlfriends and New Business

 We are counting down to Comic Con this Saturday. I wasn't going to go this year, I was just going to send the boys, until I saw that this would be the first ever reunion of the entire cast of STTNG. Tickets are bought, costumes, however, are at a standstill. At least mine is. I wanted to go with a Steampunk Egyptian explorer, and second guessed myself into Weird West instead. Now we're down to the wire, and most of my costume either doesn't fit, or doesn't look right, and after paying to have S's car fixed, I have no $$ to buy anything else. Bah. I didn't want to go in the first place, walking around all afternoon after 3 days on my feet at the bakery is not a fun prospect.

 S has an old gf he keeps in touch with, and this did not bother me until she started flirting with him openly on FB. HE says they are 'just friends'. I have no issue with a casual lover being just friends, or being friends with a woman he just met, but this is someone he had a relationship with, and I assume hoped at one point to have a future/family with. The woman in question is newly divorced, and talks about how S helped her through the divorce, how she LOVES talking to him, blah, blah. Now, down here in Texas, we don't take kindly to that sort of thing, as it usually means the divorced woman is planning on trying to latch onto the 'helpful man'. Being older than S and much, much more experienced in these matters, this makes me a bit wary. And now this woman has decided to fly down to Austin for Comic Con. To 'meet' S for the first time irl. Uh huh.

 Now to the dilemma: She is a reviewer, and is working Comic Con. She also gave the bakery a nice plug, and ordered a substantial order. (Which also contributes to my not wanting to go, I am going to be beat after completing this HUGE order.) Had I not needed the $$, I would have refused this order. However, I can't, and now I'm stuck having to go and be all happy and cheery to this person.

Sigh

 Saturday is going to suck.

Week 3 and finer than frog hair!

Well, here we are halfway through week three. Business is fairly steady, definitely getting a feel for what people are interested in or not. Scones and bread have been the biggest sellers so far. Fliers have started going out as well, and more people are hitting the FB page. After Comic Con, I'll be able to really slam the advertising, and hopefully attract some new customers. At least if the inventory doesn't sell, we can eat it, so no waste!

Heading slowly into the 21st century.....

So we got a Twitter account for the bakery. Still not sure just how to operate the thing, but we will be working on it between batches of goodies.
 If you are a Twitter user, you can follow it here. Not sure what all we will be posting, definitely bakery updates, like when we have a fresh batch of things going out.

 Pinterest is also another thing I'm trying. I am totally baffled by it. Here's the Pinterest page, not much on it yet, but I'm working on it! Yet more things to take up that annoying time between midnight and 5 a.m., when I'm wasting all that time sleeping!

A pretty good first week

 Day three, and the end of the bakery work week. I have had business every day so far, and handed out a couple more cards. Working on fliers to go out next week, then I'll be spending the weekend and the first part of next week working on Job #2, the arts studio. Hoping to get at least two more items made, once I had 8 or so I'll post them on the Etsy shop.

 The first week open has been fairly good, just a few hiccups here and there. The business plan is solid, the food is great and not the usual run of the mill stuff from the grocery store. With the holidays coming up, there will be much more over the next couple of weeks to choose from in the studio. Gift certificates are also available.

Peasant Bread

 

Have a great weekend, and happy eating!

 

Open for business!

Day #2, and things are finally starting starting to come together in the new shop. Today was apple pie apples, something clients have been asking for all summer. Cooking seasonally does have its drawbacks. Scones and bread tomorrow!

Today is the big day!

So, for the first time since 1999, I will have a brick and mortar shop again. This one is going to be a bit more low key than the previous one, Inner Sanctum, which was an occult shop down on North Loop, one of the busiest areas of the north end of town.

 Sugar³ is the culmination of many, many years of wishing and wanting. I have tried different jobs, teaching in public school (A NIGHTMARE for Aspies!), working in the medical profession, a fiberglass manufacturing facility (Ikk. Hats off to my sister who made it 30 years in that hellhole.) and various other things. My very first job in high school was working at Mr. Gatti's slinging pizza. I had been taught to cook by my grandmother and mother from the time I was big enough to stand on a chair. I did a few things here and there after that, and returned to food, working at Karmelcorn for a couple of years. Every time I would leave the food industry, I would realize that I just was not happy doing anything else. Growing and selling vegetables was ok, but then the drought hit, and that totally tanked. So once again I was casting about, looking for something I liked to do and I could do to actually make a living.

 I had worked as a personal chef awhile back, and while I liked the work, I was never comfortable being in someone else's kitchen/home. The nanny state food laws don't permit cooking for others in your own home. A friend and I had visions of a 'speakeasy' restaurant, I would cook and he would serve. That never got off the ground as he moved to California, a bit far to commute to Austin.  Working in a full blown restaurant was out of the question this time, as age and disability have caught up with me. And I don't work well with others, so I needed something that I was going to be able to do with part time help from my wonderful partner.

 Texas bakers had finally had enough. Thanks to school and church bake sales being busted by local idiots, the Texas Baker's Bill came into being, you can read more about it here. So, it is now legal to have a small bakery in your home. Squee! This was what I had been waiting for. Like everyone else, I had been selling a cake here and there, but with the change in the cottage food laws, I was finally looking at something that I could do, and have wanted to for many years.

 So Sugar³ came into being. After years of a nebulous wanting of my own bakery, it has finally become a reality. The nanny state is still out there, hoping someone will become sick off a cottage bakery so they can shut the whole thing down, but we, the Cottage Food Producers, will continue the fight. We are hoping to expand to other products, but for right now, baked goods and preserves are pretty much all I need.

Clicking right along!

 The new bakery space is quickly taking shape! The shelves are up, the door screen is up, but due for a paint job before opening day. Baker's rack painted a nice pretty shade of pink, and sometime this week I'm off to Joanne's to see if I can find a match/compliment for the hot pink leopard print.

 

Next week, stuff goes up on the shelves (We hope!) and we should have a nice new backdrop for the shelf wall, as well as a few more things. Still have to paint W's door black, he didn't care for the idea of it being pink, for some reason!



Paint that mother pink!

So, everyone has been asking if I was going to use something other than white in the shop, and yes, yes I am. 

Pink!

Raging hot pink!

The bakery boxes I use are a great shade of pink, and I was able to find a very close shade in spray paint to use on this old metal baker's rack I've had for years and years.

I'm going to paint the old 3 of Cups shelves the same color, I think Breeze would like it. And maybe even one of the floor shelves, altho I think that might be just a hair too much pink overload. I think it is going to look great against the ultra white walls. W's door that leads into his apartment was a temptation, but I will be a good mom and paint it black, to satisfy his teen Goth leanings.


 Still trying to cover the blue paint, if it bleeds through the last coat, then it'll just have to stay. I figure no one will be looking at the walls anyway, they will be blinded by all the pink!

Second coat

Here's the second coat of primer, looking much better.

We'll put the top coat on today, and start painting the shelves if the rain is done.

 So far so good!

No more blue!

The first coat of primer is up, and it is much brighter already. It does look totally different with the blue gone.

 

 

Hopefully I can get another coat up today, then I can paint tomorrow.



 

 

Once the paint is done, we can move the shelves that I got from the Three of Cups, I bought them off Anthea when she closed down. (Miss you always Breeze!) 

 

More pics tomorrow!

Kitchen ceiling, Day 2.

 So, after much profanity and wasted tiles, the first round of ceiling tile is up. It looks SO much better already, and there is more light as well. Not sure how much insulation benefit we'll get, but considering the entire ceiling was ripped out, and there is NO insulation up there at the moment, any is a good. thing. (Insulation being next on the list of major upgrades.)

  

 There has been an issue with the Elfa shelves. The Container Store guy kept harping that we HAD to use their toggle bolt system for the shelves, they were designed for them, yadda yadda. They looked a bit flimsy to me, but the guy sounded good, so we bought the overpriced things. Sure enough, the bolts are pulling out of the wall. So it is off to Lowe's to get some heavy duty ones like I wanted to use in the first place.

 Next kitchen project will be the window. It needs a major cleaning and upgrade, all the old blind hardware removed, old paint/caulk removed and replaced, that kind of stuff. Once that gets done, then I'll sew a cafe curtain for the window, that then on to the really scary part............the SINK!

 Luckily that's not for a few weeks. (Yay!)

Next up: The Ceiling!

 So today we start the kitchen ceiling. here's the before pics:

 

 

Finally I won't have to look at raw sheetrock any more! Yay! More pics tomorrow after the first round of work.