Thursday, March 26, 2015

A quarter gone

 Nearly at the three month mark for Julian calendar year 2015, and I have to say that this has been the best year in a very long time. Major milestones last year, Walker graduating high school with a nearly straight A-B average (Thank you SCORES!) and going off to college, the end (hopefully!) of needing housemates, Shawn's new position at work, my decision to open a Pagan shop again. At the beginning of 2015, I had some very long talks with myself, and took a long look at my life and where it was headed. 

 I really didn't care for what I was seeing. 

 My parents lived until they were 84, and were married 62 of those years. Unhappily. Very, very unhappily. I left my first marrige for many reasons, but this one figured heavily into my decision. I did not want to become them. So I dumped my first husband, and began the long climb to regain who I was. With the support of many friends and family, I got better. And then aging set in, and several injuries, and having to deal with parents dying and losing most of my inheritance because I allowed someone to talk me into something that was not financially viable. I began to become angry and bitter again. When I realized I could not return to that state, I started to look around me. So many people I interacted with were the same angry bitter people. I was gravitating to them like an addict to a drug dealer. 

 So I made myself get out and go to a new Pagan event in the neighborhood. It was the best thing I could have done. I met amazing new people, and saw that it was past time to cut the bitter angry people out of my life. When I did that, I was able to take the time to think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, now that I had raised my child and sent him off into the world. That led to my decision to open another Pagan shop, since the one on this end of town had closed long ago, and no one wants to shlep down an hour or more to far south Austin. Opening the shop led to people asking about classes and private sessions, and now I am so happily engaged doing the things that I love I have no time to be bitter or angry. Sure, I have bad days like everyone else, but now instead of just letting it steamroll over me, I give it a day or so, and if it doesn't get better, then I look for causes. Usually it is someone I have been interacting with, and once I limit or remove that contact, I get better again. Sometimes it is a situation out of my control, and those times I ride it out as best I can.

 Life is good, and onward through the fog!