The holidays are upon us yet again, and this year is bittersweet. My son will turn 18 at the end of this school year right before he graduates, and this will be the last holidays with him as a 'child'. While I have not attended a big holiday family thing since he was a baby, we've always had a quiet holiday at home. Being divorced from his biofather meant that we only got to spend every other Yule morning with him, but we always have something special when he comes home the 26th.
An old high school bud from Facebook posted about how his mother would get him up in the mornings to go to school. It occurred to me that I did not have this experience growing up. My mother returned to the workforce five years before I was born, so I don't remember a time when she was home, except on the rare holiday vacations. My wake up to go to school from the time I started at 6 was a phone call, because mother was already at work by the time I had to get up. So at age 6, I was left alone to get myself ready, feed myself, and walk to school, which meant crossing the major road though town, old Sheppard Road. My mother also neglected to do things like teach me how to bath and care for myself, how to dress properly, things like that, so my schoolmates had a field day with me, I was the target growing up for every bully in school. Add on top of that being an Aspie with zero support or understanding and being chubby in the days of Twiggy, I never had a chance.
When I was little, my brother was in the Navy, and the times he came home were the best. One vivid memory I have was waking up right before dawn on the 24th to the smell of coffee, getting up and going into the kitchen to see my brother and his wife making coffee and sorting through their luggage. My maternal grandparents were still alive, and if you have never had a holiday with an old world European family, you have missed out.
As I got older, holiday gatherings got bigger. My siblings married, had children, single friends started straggling in as well. One year we had 4 or 5 families, and various singles as well, there were so many people and so much food, it is a good thing my sister lives in a huge house, we would have all never fit anywhere else. While these gatherings were fun, they were a huge stress for me, and unfortunately, no one understood about Aspies or any kind of social anxiety, people like me were just considered weird.
After we moved to Austin, we went back a few times until our son was born, and after he was old enough to understand what the holiday was all about (Presents!) we did not travel with him on the actual day. So that was the start of the smaller holiday gatherings with friends. The ex was very social, me, still not so much. After he and I divorced, and I remarried, my holidays became much smaller and more manageable, just us and a few close friends. And even thought I have to do all the cooking, I have to say I look forward to the holidays much more now, but I am glad I do have the memories of the huge family gatherings. My son had both, the ex has huge holidays with all the surviving family and we have the smaller quiet holidays were no one gets out of sweats and there is no schedule. As this year will be the last, we will enjoy it, and look forward to moving into the next stage of our life, without underage children to worry about. The Wheel turns, and life goes on.
A Theory
7 years ago
