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It is finally starting to cool off just a teensy bit here at night. The mornings are very pleasant, and would be great to sit out on the patio and enjoy the mornings. Too bad West Nile virus is making the rounds. Ah well, a covered patio creeps closer every year.
The kitchen is making progress. Painting is done, we are now saving up for the ceiling tiles and new light fixtures. We'll probably add a couple more Elfa shelves on the stove side, but after living with the new worktable for awhile, I decided to blow off getting another one. This also coinsided with us finally making W's old room into something besides a walk-in storage closet. We moved the t.v. and our chairs, an mini fridge and some t.v. trays, and turned it into quite a nice little den. So the 'kitchen' area and bakery have moved out into the old living/dining space. A set of short wire shelves that used to be the entertainment center have been repurposed for the microwave and dehydrator and bakery storage.
This freed up the old microwave cart to become a rolling island/worktable, that fit perfectly between the stove and the dishwasher. Yes, you have to move it to load/unload the dishwasher, but it's no big deal so far.
I still haven't figured out what goes where quite yet, but I'm liking my baking supplies being on the cart, the shelf pulls out and it is very easy to access anything I need. We put a tall set of wire shelves just like the black ones (see above) on the other side of the kitchen to hold dishes, bakeware and such.
After the ceiling comes the next major project, the sink. Everything's picked out, when we get to that part we will be pretty much ready to go. S is going to take some vacation at that point, and we will tear out the old one and put in the new one all in one stretch of days. Being w/o a kitchen sink sucks, and impossible with a cooking related business. Still, there is noticeable progress, and this makes me happy. More pics once the ceiling is done!
Yes, yes it does. What sucks even more is chronic pain, the kind lasting years, or your entire lifetime.
Today is a bad day. It followed a horrible night. Following a run of bad days/nights. I totally get why people with chronic pain commit suicide. They have had enough.
Pain is with me every day. I'm not talking a nagging ache here or there, I'm talking pain that runs the 1-10 scale usually no less than a 5. Today however, I woke up from a fitful doze to a solid 10. How embarrassing is it to have to wake your partner at 5:30 a.m. to help you because your legs are knotted in cramps so bad you can't stop it, and trying to stand would result in a fall.
Every doc I have been to shrugs off my issues, or tells me that it is all due to my weight. Not one single one of them has offered any kind of DX, testing, nada. Just that same shoulder shrug, and "I've never heard of anything like that, no idea." and now when it is getting worse, thanks to Obamacare, our insurance has instituted a yearly deductible, which is more than we can afford to pay unless there is no other choice. And forget prescription drugs, most of those are out of our reach even if I was willing to take them. I'm not quite to the point I want to take a drug for a non-life threatening condition that one of the side effects is death.
All I want to do today is crawl into bed and cry. I can't tho. I have a business to run, a family to tend to, and a million other things that can not wait. Today is a bad day.
I hate it when I meet a new person, and they are smart, funny, witty, a good conversationalist, and a HUGE asshole.
I had to dump a friend this week. Well, to be honest, he wasn't much of a friend. M grew up with LOTS of money, and little in the way of manners. He would come to my house (A non-cig household), go outside to smoke, and every single time, even though there are several ashtrays, he would stub out his butt on my new patio furniture, or my brand new $100 garden cart, and then throw them on the ground. When he burned a hole through the bottom of the garden cart, his response when I called him on it was "Oh well, bummer."
I had already started to ease away, not wanting to make a big deal about it. Enter the boyfriend. D at first seemed charming, witty, intelligent, and funny. I enjoyed his company, talking about things. So I put off removing M from my life, as I liked his bf. However, the more I was around them, the more I noticed D treating M like my ex treated me. The more I took notice, the more emotional abuse-like behavior I saw. And then the drama began.
Luckily for me, the drama took place mostly on Facebook. Turns out D LOVES drama. He instigates it, for his own twisted amusement. And then he gets to pretend he had nothing to do with starting it, but he'll be GLAD to fix it. I got into a disagreement with one of his FB friends, which culminated with her pulling a "Your momma!" bullshit. I promptly blocked her. D made sure to post on his FB page a response where I could see, calling me childish. Really, D? I'm childish, because I refused to interact with someone I don't even know, and refuse to let them call me names? (And BTW, 'crazy bitch' is used by D on an hourly basis to refer to all his female friends.) So I shuffled M and D into a FB list that I don't allow to see my posts, but didn't delete them. D tried posting things about me on his page, but as I didn't see them, he got pissed off that he couldn't get a rise out of me, so he deleted me, and blocked my husband.
So after this all came down, I decided that I did not need this kind of hateful bullshit drama in my life. I have managed to purge almost all the drama from my life, and am much happier and healthier for it. And I refuse to be dragged back into that. Now M is calling every couple of days, and yesterday I get a friends request from D. Uh, NO. I had not yet dumped M off my friends list, as soon as I got the friend request, I did so. I wanted to be rid of them w/o any huge blow up, but M does not seem to get the hint. If this continues, I may have to call block him. If he comes over, I will not be answering the door. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
We were pleased when we found out one of the new neighbors was the son of the now deceased elderly couple who lived there when I bought the house. He seemed to be a nice guy, into gardening and likes dogs. Little did I know that Nice Neighbor Guy came with his three dust mops: Yappy litttle Pomeranians.
Now, I like dogs just fine. However, Nice Guy and his housemate let the dustmops out at 6 a.m. every morning. And they bark. And bark. And bark. And then my dogs want to go bark, and run up and down the fence barking. Little yappers are one thing, but when my Lab/Sheppard mix lets out the bass "Hwhoof!", that is his bark, it carries WAY further than yapping.
So I have not been able to use my back yard in the mornings for about 3 weeks now. I was hoping the dust mops would settle down once they had been here awhile, doesn't look like that is going to happen. I've debated talking to the neighbors about it, but I have not had real good luck doing that. People who choose to not have children get downright stupid about their dogs sometimes. (It's a DOG, people, not a fucking child!)
So what I am going to do is be the asshole neighbor who lets THEIR dogs run around and bark at 6 a.m. at the yappy neighbor dogs. I'm also going to return to using my own back yard in the mornings, which is going to make the dust mops bark even more.When someone complains, I will direct THEM to the neighbors. Problem (hopefully) solved in short order.
....so fucking what?
I had to reply to some twat's backhanded comments about a former Marine's ink that was a quote, and contained the word 'fuck'. Now, let me point out, this was something she read in an article, she did not view the ink herself, nor even a picture, and she posted how offended she is about it. As my mother would say, this flew all over me, and I let the twat have it. She's now all whining and crying about her opinions being ignored. So I repeat,
You are offended, SO FUCKING WHAT???" Deal, bitch!
I'm done now.
I should be excited today. It is the first day of school. Unfortunately, I had a horrible night last night, about 9 p.m. I was playing WoW, and all of a sudden every joint in my body that I have injured over the years (Which is alot) began to ache. I went to bed, woke up in abject pain about midnight. Used old woman cream, it helped for awhile, finally resorted to aspirin, which dulled the pain a little so I was able to fitfully doze the rest of the night. Ugh.
At least today is a sewing day, so I won't have to be on my feet. I have a little bit of work to do on the first bag I made, then to the Etsy shop with it. I'll be digging out fabric today to see what I can put together for the next bag. I still have plenty of blue jeans to recycle. My goal for this week is to get at least 3 things up in the shop. One is nearly ready, I should be able to knock out 2 today, and 3 tomorrow, just in time to work at the bakery on Wednesday. Gonna be a busy week.
This Friday is the blue moon, trying to decide what to do. S wants to have ritual Saturday, since he and the person he wants to invite have to work Friday. He's working on the circle in the mornings, hopefully it will be ready. The hot tub probably will not be in service, we're in the process of getting it ready to move to its new home. Ah well.
Time to get the boy off to his first day of his junior year, and then to work!
The first bag to go up on the Etsy shop tomorrow! Isn't it purdy?
Made totally from upcycled jeans and upholstery scrap. The only non-recycled thing is it is the tread. Triple sewn seams, this is a heavy duty bag, and big enough to fit a ton of groceries, books, clothes or anything else you need to carry.
I'll be posting the Etsy shop addy once I actually get something up for sale!
Just like last year, business has slowed down to a trickle. I'm down to one personal chef client, and bakery business is pretty much nil at this point. So, time to get to work on other things!
When we rearranged the house, I was finally able to set up my sewing machine permanently, and also unearthed my crochet box, so I have been making grocery bags. More cities are getting rid of plastic bags, and really, it makes more sense. Yes, it is a pain to remember the bags, so I leave some in every car. With Austin's bag ban looming, I'm making a batch for each of the three vehicles, after some point in 2013, stores will have to charge for plastic bags.
Here's one of the crocheted bags, 100% cotton yarn.
The bags I am making now are from upcycled jeans. These are not pristine new jeans like the ones you see in the store, these are hard-worn jeans that were worked in, they have stains and wear on them. They also make awesome bags that can handle a LOT of weight. All the bags I make can be machine washed, and will hold up for years and years. I have some that are over 10 years old now, and still going strong.
I'll be posting pics on the Sugar³ Facebook page, as well as here, and I am opening an Etsy store, I'll post the addy once it is open for biz. They sell fast once the pics go up, so if you see one you like, better grab it quick! (The one pictured above is already gone!)
S and I are also hoping to get some Steampunk gear up for sale as well on the Etsy site. We both really like the look of Punk'd out stuff, and it looks fun to make as well. Onward and upward!
The heat broke this week finally, although it was NOTHING like last year's 100 days of 100+ heat. Looking at the garden yesterday, I realized that I probably wasn't going to be able to plant a huge garden again, it is just too much for my battered aging body to deal with. So what's a chef who loves local produce to do?
This weather triggers something primal in my nature, that makes me want to put up food. Probably a biological racial memory of long cold winters. I did glean a few last red and green tomatoes off the vines, enough to make a jar of salsa. Hopefully the store will have something on sale in the produce section. I try to buy as close to home as possible, and HEB buys as much local as they can, so I do have a small amount of Texas items I can get. The farmer's markets here have been underwhelming the last 10 years or so. They claim to have local produce, but you can see the refrigerated trucks that hauled the produce from the Valley, and everything was picked at LEAST a week before. What a joke. There are some new markets that do carry local, however these are 'foodie' places, where a single heirloom tomato will cost you upwards of $5 a piece. Bah.
I've been looking really hard at a CSA since I have been unable to do much in the way of gardening the last few years, however, they are a bit cost prohibitive at this time. We'll see what things look like at the first of the year. Anyone want to split a CSA box next year?
I took W to his first job outside the house, working as a personal assistant to C, a friend of mine. He did ok (I stayed to help him, C and I are looking at this as 'job training' for him.) and will be going back again. He and I talked about things like saving money for college, putting 10% of everything he makes in the bank, paying people for rides because he doesn't yet want to drive, that kind of stuff. Its one thing to talk about stuff like this when they are younger, but it takes on a whole new meaning when dealing with an older child getting ready to be a young adult.
I'm lucky in that we live in a place with not only many excellent schools, but a thriving tech/gaming community, since W has decided to go into gaming, and I won't have to deal with sending him off to school. And since he has already moved into the garage apartment, he's already learning to be on his own, without really being out on his own. AS children tend to mature in some ways faster than neuro-typicals, but slower in others. W has told me from a fairly early age that he is not moving out, and as I'm only one generation off generational living, I'm actually fine with that. He can get a job, add on/improve his apartment, move in a gf/wife and live there forever as far as S and I are concerned. Since he is our only child, everything will be his eventually anyway.
Talking to W about adult things makes me realize that he is just around the corner of being a legal grownup. I have watched my friends taking their kiddies off to a school halfway across the country in some cases, and seeing the 'babies' fly off on their own is a hard thing to do for every parent, even when they are ready for it. I'm glad I only have to do it once, does it get easier the more times you do it?
The best we can hope for as parents is that we have taught our children the things they need to know to survive and thrive as independent beings. I'm glad my child rearing days are coming to a close, but I'm also glad that W will not be rushing off immediately, since he's a couple of years behind socially, this will give him the safe environment to learn to be an adult.
Today is a not-good day. Last night was a bad night, and I am starting the day with no spoons. Blah.
W starts his new job today, he will be doing odd jobs for a friend of mine. I'm hoping that this will help him get more comfortable with working so he is not so nervous when he has to interview/start other jobs. As much as I would love to be able to support him all through college, his biofather will most likely be cutting off all $$ when W turns 18, as well as insurance and everything else. It'll be a financial burden, but will be well worth it to never have to see/talk to that loser ever again in life.
Business at the bakery has slowed way down. With the huge jump in food prices and the rise in the cost of electric, people are not ordering like they were earlier this year. Ah well, the nature of the beast, I suppose. I'm hoping the holidays pick up like last year. I really didn't want to take any new personal chef clients, but I might have to, to keep the doors open. In the meantime, I'll keep cooking and posting on the Food Porn blog!
The Old Chow is gone across the Rainbow Bridge. When the vet got here, Genghis didn't even stir, and when the vet held his hand down for the dog to smell, there was no response. The vet said it looked like he'd stroked out in the last couple of days/weeks.
After this, I got in the car and drove to San Antonio, to attend San Japan Mach 5. A fun con, even tho I'm not an anime fan. So why were you at an anime con, if you don't like anime? "Chaperoning" a young woman who's mother didn't want her to be in San Antonio alone. Now that W is old enough, we can start going to cons a bit more. As a drama person, I love to dress up for con.
We'll be doing ComicCon in October, W about had an out of body experience when he found out the 501st (Vader's Fist) was going to be there, so he's opted for a stormtrooper costume. S and I have decided to go Steampunk. We went back and forth between Egyptian explorer and airship pirates. Airship pirates won. So now to start hitting the thrift shops, got the sewing machine all set up and ready to go. S has said I need to be captain (No argument here!), he's looking at pilot. I have a couple of pieces of clothing already that will work, just have to add to them. Stay tuned for pics and updates!
I don't know of anyone who is fond of waiting, especially waiting for something bad. We are waiting, waiting until Friday morning, when my old Chow dog has his last meeting with the vet.
Genghis has been with me through a lot. I got him in the early summer of 1999, and fuzzy waddling little poof of hair. (Along with his brother, who later disappeared during an escape from the yard.) Our son was 3 at the time, and he fell in love with the pups. Genghis has been with us through alot.
We've known this day was coming for a while now. Genghis has a birth defect of his hips, and as he has grown older, it has become harder and harder for him to get up, often his hips will lock out of place, with the legs crossed, and I have to put them back in place so he can walk. The vet thinks he has been suffereing mini strokes for awhile as well. He knows me, but he is in a huge amount of pain, often growling and snapping with we try to handle or even pet him.
Every pet owner has been through this struggle, the decision to put an elderly animal to sleep. People say all the well meaning things, like "It's for the best", "he's in pain, just let him go", and the all time doozy "It's the humane thing to do". Really? It is really the humane thing to do, kill an animal who remembers no home but yours? They say the dog is the only animal that will lick the hand of its killer. I've been told that keeping an ailing oldster alive is just selfish, but when Genghis drags himself through the house looking for me, or I watch him still being able to eat, and wag his tail just a little when he sees me, I second guess my decision. Am I doing this because it's the right thing to do, or because I can no longer stand to see him falling and being in pain? Is it really the right thing for him, or for myself?
Last year I was struggling to explain to someone why I wasn't able to go out with them, and a few days later I ran across this article. It explained exactly what I go through on a daily basis.
I contracted mono my freshman year in high school, like most of the drama department. All but me completely recovered. I didn't have a clue why I kept feeling bad for months to years afterwards. My mother, who didn't even take me to the doc until I was almost too weak to walk, would tell me that nothing was wrong with me, that I was just lazy. I left home and went to college, got married, and still didn't feel completely 'right'. I could remember what I'd felt like before age 14, and I knew something wasn't kosher. My ex mother-in-law worked at a medical clinic, and she urged me to see the specialist. It was he who pronounced "You have what we call Epstein-Barr Syndrome." When he described the symptoms, and what to expect, I thought to myself "No, he must be mistaken, I don't have a chronic debilitating condition! I can't!" I was in denial for many years after that.
My oldest sister 'P' has always known something wasn't quite right with me after the mono. She never made me feel bad for not being able to hold a job for any length of time (Partially EBS, partially being an Aspie, but that is for another post.), or be able to do much around the house. She always supported me emotionally when I would have a really bad 'spoonless day', as I now call it. If it wasn't for her, I probably would have killed myself years ago from the depression and the way everyone else treated me. It was P who finally convinced me a couple of years ago that I was not "all right", and would never be. I mean, I knew, but I was still in denial, even after all this time. After I read the Spoon Theory, it all made sense. I know that sounds silly, to have lived with something like this all my adult life, and just now really finding out how to deal with it.
Some days, like today, my spoons are nearly gone when I wake up in the morning. I'm having to deal with an old dog that will be euthanized at some point this week, and the stress of taking a trip where I have to drive in San Antonio (the horror!), and go to one of the biggest anime cons in the country. (I'm 'chaperoning' a young woman, her mother did not want her to go alone, and I am an experienced con-goer.) The amount of people there will totally suck, and the distances I will have to walk even more so. But I slog onward, knowing that some day, maybe soon, I won't be able to do these things at all any more, and I need to enjoy them as much as I can now.
So onward and upward, damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead! I might be slow, but I'm not down yet.
It's that time again, the end of summer, which means shopping for school supplies. I love the old Staples commercial ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcYbo7pjto ).
Unfortunately, this time of year also makes me totally pissed off. My ex makes 66K a year, yet pays a pitiful $300 a month in child support. And no alimnony, even though we were married 20 years. He also extorted 10K out of me for the house, which he was not entitled to, since he didn't do a damn thing except sleep around with multiple women (Think Don Draper!) while the house deteriorated from lack of repairs. And the asshole refuses to buy W any school supplies or clothes. I was informed by his (And I use the term VERY loosely) wife that $300 a month is MORE than enough to cover not only W's expenses like food, shelter, etc., but also school suppiles and clothes. Now, you fucking tell me that $300 is enough to take care of a teenager, with all their needs. Hell, $300 isn't even enough to cover his food!
The ex's step-daughters, however, get royal treatment. Clothes, new computers, whatever they want. And where is these girls' biological father, you ask? Last I heard from his ex wife, a homeless drug addict. So my son gets shuffled to the side so these little twats can be on the HS flag corps to the tune of THOUSANDS of dollars a year. When something of theirs breaks, the 'parents' take my son's things to give to the girls.
So here I am, making $5K a year, expected to take care of everything monetarily, yet I STILL have to send my poor son over there to be humilated and emotionally abused. Why don't I take the case to the AG? Because any time we try something like raisng the child support, the ex takes it out on W. W asked to leave it alone, because of what his biofather does to him afterwards. So I have struggled for 10 years to keep my child clothed, sheltered and fed. Money for college? Yea, right. The only reason my son even has health insurance is the law insists.
One of my sisters tells me I should just let it go. Not this time. But there are big changes coming soon, that are going to knock that asshole's dick in the dirt, and I will enjoy every fucking minute of it. He still acts like W is 7 years old, and has NO idea that W has a mind and a will of his own. I just hope I'm there to see that asshole's face when he realizes it!
Well, I have been gone a loooong time, and it wasn't until my one follower. (Thanks R!) poked me in the butt about writing again.
Things have changed quite a bit since the last time I posted. Both parents are now gone, I have left the music business to return to my first love and my passion, cooking. I opened a bakery/personal chef business again in 2011, and am now in my second year.
The Homestead has undergone even more changes, and with the state of the country right now, I am looking at getting chickens or maybe ducks and quail again. With the government cornering the market on stupid lately when it comes to food and biofuel production, it seems the anarchists are being proved right more and more. That a scary thought! When the whole fluoride thing came out last year, I thought "Well, they got ONE right." Little did I know that with the Internet, more and more government coverups and conspiracies (If you don't think there are any, go stick your head back in the sand, and wait for them to come take you to Gitmo.) would be coming to light.
One really troubling thing right now is the whole war on marijuana. I'm not going to claim that this one plant is the miracle cure-all as some have been, (No Tommy Chong, I am not going to believe hemp oil cured your cancer until I see actual medical reports, glad you are feeling better tho!) but it DOES help a host of medical problems. I have seen first hand how it helps stomach issues, eases arthritis, relieves some side effects from severe medical procedures, works as Xanex for those of us spun a bit too tight (Have you ever heard of/seen a stoner beat up a guy in a bar? No, of course you haven't.) and a host of other things. And because of the logging industry and Big Pharma lobbyists, this PLANT is kept illegal. The government claims it has no medical value, so is classed with street drugs like crack and heroin. And yet, within days of the raids beginning on the medical despensaries in California (Really Obama, you couldn't even keep your word on this one???), the U.S. government applied for a patent on "Sativex", a drug distilled from marijuana. But I thought it had NO medical applications? Uh huh. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck......
Alright, back to the kitchen for me, and I promise there will be many more caffine fueled thoughts and rants posted soon!
