Aging has its ups and down. There are good days and bad days, both physical and mental. It can be a time to slow down and reflect, or a time of non-stop social interaction. The one thing that no one told me is that being an Aspie and trying to find friends at this age sucks. Maybe it is because people are no longer accepting as they age of anyone who is different. Maybe it's just me.
I have finally started to come out of a several years long depression and illness which was compounded by the Plague. I have been getting out more and trying to be social. It has not been going well. I have reached out to several people I have knows for years, and the responses have been nil. Back when I moved to Austin, new friends were everywhere, it was easy to meet people. As the years went by I realized that the majority of them were only 'party friends', people you only see when there is a social gathering. Don't expect them to stick around when the going gets rough, they aren't interested in sick sad you, or even you as a person, they are only interested in what they can get out of you, and when you longer provide those things, they are away to the next person who can.
When my sister died, I got 'thoughts and prayers'. My world had been destroyed, and not one single person here bothered to even come by to see how I was doing. They felt like waving some thoughts and prayers my way online was enough, and then they went about their day. I get it. This wasn't their tragedy, and they had zero interest in what I was going through, so why waste the energy? Not one single 'friend' bothered to even check on me in person.
Then I got sick and was hospitalized. Nothing contagious, I had lost vision in one eye and I was stuck in a hospital bed being pumped full of steroids. I regained my sight mostly. It was excruciatingly painful, and pretty terrifying. My husband would come for 30 minutes or so after work, but he had the household and all the animals to deal with. I spent 3 days alone, and exactly two people came to visit me, and they were a couple, so one visit. They even drove from the next town over to do it, and I can not express how much I enjoyed their visit and the comfort that they gave me. Radio silence from everyone else I knew in town. Then the plague struck and everyone was isolated.
Fast forward to now, and after a year of lifestyle change, I have finally started to regain some health, both physical and mental, and wanting to return to the world of the living. So I tried reaching out to people who I thought were friends. Boy, was I wrong. People aren't even bothering to return messages. It's not like I'm asking for money or anything, all I wanted to do is say hi, maybe hang out a little and catch up on with what's been going on.
Maybe it's where I live. I'm ready to switch gears in my life, live a bit slower, quieter pace than the hectic big city noise and constant hustle.
Or maybe it's just me. Aspies can be a lot to handle, I get that. We're very Hobbit-like, we don't like crowds and loud venues, we tend to obsess and geek out over weird things, and it is hard to find someone who has the same interests to geek out over. Knowing that doesn't make it suck any less though.
