Children and time

 Talking to a friend this morning, and she commented that she was suffering from what I like to call "Mommy burnout syndrome". Her oldest is entering puberty, which is such a fun age in a young person's like. NOT! (Every mother out there who has lived with a teenager is nodding their head right now.) 

 Mommy burnout happens right about the time puberty hits. Your precious sweet little baby who you cared for through earaches, broken toys, the Terrible Twos and the start of school becomes a demon possessed spawn of evil, and it happens so fast you are left sitting in the dust thinking "What the hell just happened?" 

  During this period, nothing you can say or do is right, and unfortunately, this is the time when the little heathens NEED to listen to the wisdom you have to impart to them, things they are going to need in their young adult life. Too bad their ears are stopped up by hormones and not a damn thing you say is really going to sink in. Like the line in True Lies, their parents are now Axel Rose and Madonna, or whatever teen pop icon is out there at the time. 

  In tribal societies, it is common for adolescents to be fostered by another adult, (This does not mean the same thing as it does in modern Western society.) since they will more often listen to someone who is not their parent. This foster parent is the one responsible for teaching them the things they need to be functioning adults. The foster parent also is someone the young person can go to with issues they wouldn't feel comfortable talking to their parents about, like dating/relationship/sex issues. 

 In modern Western society, we do not have that safety net of being able to hand off our teenagers when they hit the point that even the simplest thing sets them off, like asking what they want for supper or how their day was. This causes the Mommy Burnout (Daddies get it too, but not as bad unless they are the primary caretaker.) that is so prevelent today. We really need to be able to hand off our teens at least part of the time to someone who they will actually listen to. Most people expect the school system to do so, and while many educators are wonderful in helping, but they can not give the one-on-one attention a developing young person needs, their time demands are so massive. In the lucky families, there is often a relative willing and able to take on the task, but since WWII, the nuclear family being pushed as 'the norm', the tribal aspect of family was lost. Due to the economy over the last several years, generational living is becoming more common in this country again, where the family stays together, with the older retired relatives taking care of the children while the younger family members go out and earn a living.

 If you don't have someone you can hand your child off to when they are behaving like Bevis and Butthead, I have had parents tell me that things like summer camp and activities like hobby/interest groups help relieve that constant barrage of hormones that we are forced to endure. if you are currently raising an adolescent, I feel for you, been there, done that. The good news is usually by their mid-twenties they will level out and become quasi-human adults. Just remember, this too shall pass. Take a deep breath, hang on to your hat, and good luck!