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It's May, it's May, the lusty month of May......
Yes, I tend to revert to my musical theater days when I haven't had much sleep.
Our newly formed Kindred had its first ritual, Valborg, the spring celebration. We invited some of the members of a local Druid Grove we are considering Hearthkinning with, and it was a good ritual and a pleasant evening. Shawn and I did manage to make it to the dawn ritual as well.
It has been a long time (Close to 10 years.) since I have had to deal with people in more than a very limited social setting. I do enjoy social gatherings, but I try really hard to not get sucked into people's lives and drama, because it saps what limited energy I have that I really need to other things. Shawn is keen on the hearthkin thing, but after the events of the last couple of weeks, I am thinking that for me, this is might not be such a good idea. There has been already some fairly major drama that I have been sucked into, and I know that becoming the clan matriarch to a bunch of baby Pagans yet again means that I must be involved in their personal lives to an extent that I am not sure I am willing to take on at this time, not to mention the inevitable politics that arise in any group of people that numbers more than two.
Time to withdraw for a time and think on things.
Talking to a friend this morning, and she commented that she was suffering from what I like to call "Mommy burnout syndrome". Her oldest is entering puberty, which is such a fun age in a young person's like. NOT! (Every mother out there who has lived with a teenager is nodding their head right now.)
Mommy burnout happens right about the time puberty hits. Your precious sweet little baby who you cared for through earaches, broken toys, the Terrible Twos and the start of school becomes a demon possessed spawn of evil, and it happens so fast you are left sitting in the dust thinking "What the hell just happened?"
During this period, nothing you can say or do is right, and unfortunately, this is the time when the little heathens NEED to listen to the wisdom you have to impart to them, things they are going to need in their young adult life. Too bad their ears are stopped up by hormones and not a damn thing you say is really going to sink in. Like the line in True Lies, their parents are now Axel Rose and Madonna, or whatever teen pop icon is out there at the time.
In tribal societies, it is common for adolescents to be fostered by another adult, (This does not mean the same thing as it does in modern Western society.) since they will more often listen to someone who is not their parent. This foster parent is the one responsible for teaching them the things they need to be functioning adults. The foster parent also is someone the young person can go to with issues they wouldn't feel comfortable talking to their parents about, like dating/relationship/sex issues.
In modern Western society, we do not have that safety net of being able to hand off our teenagers when they hit the point that even the simplest thing sets them off, like asking what they want for supper or how their day was. This causes the Mommy Burnout (Daddies get it too, but not as bad unless they are the primary caretaker.) that is so prevelent today. We really need to be able to hand off our teens at least part of the time to someone who they will actually listen to. Most people expect the school system to do so, and while many educators are wonderful in helping, but they can not give the one-on-one attention a developing young person needs, their time demands are so massive. In the lucky families, there is often a relative willing and able to take on the task, but since WWII, the nuclear family being pushed as 'the norm', the tribal aspect of family was lost. Due to the economy over the last several years, generational living is becoming more common in this country again, where the family stays together, with the older retired relatives taking care of the children while the younger family members go out and earn a living.
If you don't have someone you can hand your child off to when they are behaving like Bevis and Butthead, I have had parents tell me that things like summer camp and activities like hobby/interest groups help relieve that constant barrage of hormones that we are forced to endure. if you are currently raising an adolescent, I feel for you, been there, done that. The good news is usually by their mid-twenties they will level out and become quasi-human adults. Just remember, this too shall pass. Take a deep breath, hang on to your hat, and good luck!
Now that we are out and about in the Pagan community again, we are needing space to do Pagan things. So after looking at the back space that we only use for compost and storage, I have decided to build a Temple and guesthouse. This is the space as it looks now:
It's pretty rough at the moment, but I think it has the potential to be a really cool and unusual ritual space. I'll post as things progress.
Okay, so it's not NASCAR, or a tractor pull, it's time once again for Pagan & Eggs!
What is P&E, you ask? It is a monthly gathering of Pagans who come together and have brunch and catch up on what's going on in the North Austin area Pagan community.
We met our current batch of peeps when I saw a post pop up on Facebook about a Pagan event. I always check to see where they are, and this one was right down the street, so I decided to give it a try. We went, and met a whole new group of people who were not the angry bitter Pagans who forced us to stop attending anything, because of the backstabbing political maneuvering that goes on. We wanted a group we could hang out with and NOT be hassled by angry glares or outright hostility because we decided to talk to someone not on the 'approved' list. This group definitely fits the bill.They are also mostly a Druid grove, and as I got my start at the Druid College, and lean more towards European shamanism, I am definitely enjoying the discussions. I get SO tired of Wiccans, they can be mind numbingly tedious and very few actually live by the Rede.
With Shawn becoming interested in his Northmen heritage, I have been looking into the Volva, the female shaman/wisewomen of the Norse. The Volva and shamans of the North are very similar to the American Indian shaman, which I think shows yet another possible link to northern Europeans who migrated across the Siberian land bridge.
The behavior and acceptance of this new group has been just what I needed. I was wanting to return to the community, but I did not want to have to face the angry bitter people any more. Just the thought of going to a CMA/ESA/FoG event grits my teeth. And that is sad that I was forced to leave a community where I was one of the original members because of the hate filled people who inhabit it. Luckily most of those persons live south, and we seldom if ever see them at any of our events.
Nearly at the three month mark for Julian calendar year 2015, and I have to say that this has been the best year in a very long time. Major milestones last year, Walker graduating high school with a nearly straight A-B average (Thank you SCORES!) and going off to college, the end (hopefully!) of needing housemates, Shawn's new position at work, my decision to open a Pagan shop again. At the beginning of 2015, I had some very long talks with myself, and took a long look at my life and where it was headed.
I really didn't care for what I was seeing.
My parents lived until they were 84, and were married 62 of those years. Unhappily. Very, very unhappily. I left my first marrige for many reasons, but this one figured heavily into my decision. I did not want to become them. So I dumped my first husband, and began the long climb to regain who I was. With the support of many friends and family, I got better. And then aging set in, and several injuries, and having to deal with parents dying and losing most of my inheritance because I allowed someone to talk me into something that was not financially viable. I began to become angry and bitter again. When I realized I could not return to that state, I started to look around me. So many people I interacted with were the same angry bitter people. I was gravitating to them like an addict to a drug dealer.
So I made myself get out and go to a new Pagan event in the neighborhood. It was the best thing I could have done. I met amazing new people, and saw that it was past time to cut the bitter angry people out of my life. When I did that, I was able to take the time to think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, now that I had raised my child and sent him off into the world. That led to my decision to open another Pagan shop, since the one on this end of town had closed long ago, and no one wants to shlep down an hour or more to far south Austin. Opening the shop led to people asking about classes and private sessions, and now I am so happily engaged doing the things that I love I have no time to be bitter or angry. Sure, I have bad days like everyone else, but now instead of just letting it steamroll over me, I give it a day or so, and if it doesn't get better, then I look for causes. Usually it is someone I have been interacting with, and once I limit or remove that contact, I get better again. Sometimes it is a situation out of my control, and those times I ride it out as best I can.
Life is good, and onward through the fog!
The Gregorian calendar new year. Meh. The last several days of 2014 have not been the best, with injuries, things broken, and general meh. And a cold wet start as well. Two months into the Pagan new year, and while there have been a few good things, like Shawn finally moving up at work, for the most part it has been a slow spiral down already. I need an updraft!
Over the last couple of months, the realization that my business skills are suck-o-rama has made me rethink what I can do now that my child rearing days are over. The bakery has tanked, and standing out in the freezing cold, rain and blistering sun at a farmer's market to make a whole $20 a week it just not worth it. Since I'm a baker, not a cake decorator, I don't have those big ticket items like wedding cakes. It is too easy to pick up some cheap cookies or what passes for 'artisan' bread in the grocery store/Wal-Mart than to take the time to place an order with me.
The same goes with a Pagan shop, without a brick and mortar in a business area, it is too much hassle for anyone to come into the neighborhood at odd hours to pick up a couple of things which are easily bought online and delivered to their house.
With the house deteriorating and not enough cash to fix it up, we are forced to return to renting out the converted garage space. This entails either putting in a bathroom, which there is no way we can afford that at 15+K, an off grid bathroom, which is inexpensive, but will take a special kind of renter to deal with, or making it a housemate situation, where they use our kitchen and bathroom, not an appealing prospect, as we just got our house back from children, and we do enjoy living alone. A tiny house in the back would be better, but again, the catch-22 of the money to build it. With Austin pretty much staying at 96% occupancy, getting someone in isn't the problem, it is getting someone long term who we can live with. Not that it matters, one way or the other, come spring, we will have someone else living here.
Yea yea, I know, be thankful for a house, food, etc. I am, but I am also a single paycheck away from being homeless, and that is not something I want to experience in my old age. And just surviving is not living. So back to being a landlord, as much as I don't want to, it is better than the alternative.
Reading a Facebook post this morning about Mickey Dolenz top 10 records that changed his life, it got me to thinking about the huge part music has always played in my own life.
I was exposed to music from birth. My parents listened to early Country and Western, in the form of Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys and similar early pioneers on 78, and my father loved old blues. My brother was 16 when I was born in the early 60s, and being the oldest child, was the owner of a record player. His tastes ran to beatnik music like jazz, and 'long hair' music,
which is what lovers of classical music were called during this time period, at least in small town Texas. When he enlisted and went off to the Navy during Viet Nam, his record player became the property of my oldest sister, and a new set of vinyl with a totally new sound appeared: the British Invasion. I was exposed to wild and wicked bands like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Animals, the Troggs, the Who.
When that sister went off to college, the record player moved down to the next oldest sister, a 60s flower child, so there were the addition of hip and groovy sounds from the hippie and anti war counter culture, angry music from CCR, Cream and the Zombies and the psychedelic slam of the Doors and Hendrix with a sprinkling of more poppish things like the Monkees.
In 8th grade, I met the group of people who became The Group all through high school and a bit of college. They had younger parents than mine, just a bit older than my brother, and this is where I heard such things as Joni Mitchell, Ike and Tina Turner, James Brown and the Stone Poneys. My friends and I began to delve into 70's sounds, Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd and Rush.
Music is a part of my daily life. I listen to everything, and I love hearing new music. Music definitely helped shape and define who I am. Living in Austin I have heard some great music, some good music, and some not so good music, but it was all played with passion and heart, and these things are what makes music such an important part of my life.
